THE FUN FINAL?
Saturday’s rebranded “bronze final” between France and England in Miami might feel like a modern, Gianni-coded exercise in squeezing the product dry, but the third-place playoff is a staple of World Cup history, even if it remains the game nobody wants to play in. The very first TPPO came in 1934, Germany defeating Austria 3-2 in a match engulfed in murky, menacing geopolitics. Thankfully, the fixture quickly became a more knockabout affair – Brazil swaggered on to the world stage by beating Sweden 4-2 in 1938, and France put six past West Germany in a nine-goal feast of football 20 years later. Just Fontaine scored four that day, later to be joined by Thomas Müller, Davor Suker and Toto Schillaci in using the fixture to pad their Golden Boot stats – a tactic Kylian Mbappé might want to try against a punch-drunk England side and pip Lionel Messi to another personal accolade as a result.
- Third-place playoff often more entertaining: higher goals-per-game than the final and it has never gone to penalties.
- Perception varies: some teams are checked out after semis, others treat the TPPO as a national high point, like Poland and Belgium.
- England dislike the match most; their previous third-place appearances ended in defeat (1990 and 2018), adding pressure on players and staff.
- Thomas Tuchel admitted nobody wants this game: None of our players and none of the French players want to play this match.
- Still worth watching: just two bites left at summer's football buffet, last chances for pride, medals, and memorable finales.
Yes, the third-place playoff can have a hungover, world-weary vibe, but it can also be a lot of fun. The goals-per-game average is higher than in the final, and the TPPO has never gone to penalties. But does the result matter? It depends who you ask. Back in 1982, France lost an all-time classic semi-final on penalties to West Germany, and were extremely laissez-faire against Poland just two days later. “Our hearts were elsewhere,” Alain Giresse recalled 40 years on. “We had pulled the plug.” On the other hand, Poland’s 3-2 victory meant they matched their best-ever performance, having also won the TPPO against Brazil in 1970. Plenty of other teams have secured a new personal best via this fixture, including Austria, Chile, Portugal, Turkey and Belgium, whose 2-0 triumph over a checked-out England sealed third place in 2018, and a rousing civic reception when the squad returned home.
Even if no player or team truly enjoys this game, England still like it less than most. Their two previous appearances have ended in defeat – against Italy in 1990, and the aforementioned Belgium clash in 2018. Not even Carlo Ancelotti would raise an eyebrow if England come up short again on Saturday, against an all-star France attack eager to take out their frustration on anyone in their path. But if England can be a little more Azteca, a little less Atlanta, then their best men’s World Cup performance since 1966 is in reach. So dig Kobbie Mainoo out of storage, fire up Wonderwall and get in the mood. What do you reckon, Thomas Tuchel? “None of our players and none of the French players want to play this match.” Ah. Still, would victory at least earn Tuchel some breathing room, a shiny bronze medal to point at as hacks keep banging on about the Argentina game? The short, and indeed long answer is no. But there are just two bites left at this summer-long buffet of football, so we’re going to watch it anyway.
